


Finding Dmitri

by TalesFrom_AJinx



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Drug Use, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2019-06-08 10:17:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15241212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalesFrom_AJinx/pseuds/TalesFrom_AJinx
Summary: Misha Collins is between a rock and a hard place. With a single friend, can he rediscover who he is and salvage it from who he has become?





	1. All at Once

**Author's Note:**

> I know we love Misha but this is a work of fiction and please bare with me...
> 
> I mean no disrespect or harm or ill will to the actors or their wives and families. 
> 
> Here we go...

Misha Collins was losing it. Everything was drawing to a close all at once and he couldn’t handle it. Of course a lot had been decisions he made himself. He had a bad habit of biting off more than he could chew. And the pressure was eating him.  
The constant tap dance he was doing for the fandom was getting too much for him. He needed this crossroads. As much as he hated to admit it to himself.  
Things at home had been less than pleasant lately. The move to Washington so he could be closer to work was supposed to save his marriage. But it had the opposite effect. Vicki despised him for moving her from L.A. Away from her friends. Away from her girlfriend. She didn’t have anymore help from him now than she had in L.A. anyways. The job and the fandom demanded so much from him that Vicki and the kids wound up on the back burner a lot. Sure when he was home he tried to spend as much time with them as he could but he was no father or husband of the year. Unless he was doing a video for social media. No broken homes on the live feed. 

He was sitting in a dark bar, mulling all of this over in his mind. Letting the whiskey rest in his mouth. He wanted to taste his despair.  
What had him so upset was the ending of gishwes. That had been a Vicki demand. One that had changed his entire opinion of her in one action. She knew that they were working on writing him out of the show. She knew the reason was because he had a lot happening outside of the set. With his charities and such. And they felt like the show was suffering from his lack of dedication.  
What really happened was that Misha sent out a political tweet that had offended a big wig out of the CW and all of a sudden they weren’t going to renew his contract.  
They left their home and moved a state away, so far north they might as well be Canadians. And it was for nothing. She sacrificed her happiness to make him happy. And now she wanted him to do the same. When he wasn’t on t.v. anymore they wouldnt be able to afford the winner trips anyways. So he had been forced to send out a tweet telling his wonderful dedicated fans that it was all coming to a close.  
And when he was through he had got into an argument with Vicki about her blatant insensitivity and stormed out of the house landing in the bar. It was the worst hiatus ever. And now he was searching for new avenues hoping his fan base from Supernatural would be enough to keep him afloat for his new ventures. He was trying to break into the social media world, which was already pretty heavily established so it was a bold move. And without Vicki it felt kind of hopeless. He had started every project with her cheering him and now going it alone had his nerves wrecked. He didn’t like her right now but he definitely still loved her. You don’t just shut that valve off after twenty plus years. He wanted to go home. It may be just the liquor making him feel soft but he wanted to go home.  
He stood to leave, swayed and sat back down. Nope. He wasn’t going anywhere. Not alone anyways. He reached into his jacket pocket and retrieved his cell phone. He hit the number 1 and listened to it ring. “Come on.” He murmered, his eyes closed, realising he had his fingers crossed.  
“Hello!?” Vicki came on the phone sounding harsh and unforgiving. 

Misha winced. “Hey yooouuu,” he cooed into the phone. When she didn’t say anything he decided to drop the cute act and just get this over with. “I need a ride home. I’m too drunk to drive myself.” She still didn’t say anything. “Vicki, are you there?” He asked. 

“Misha….” She started slowly. “You don’t live here anymore. You can send someone to get your stuff. I don’t want you around me or the kids. Not until after court. You are a selfish person. And I can’t watch the kids miss you anymore. Not knowing everything we have given up so you could be happy. You get to be happy and we just get to sacrifice. No. I’m done. I told you. I’m sorry. I wasted my whole literal life with you. I’m going to travel. Take West and Maison with me. Put them in homeschool.” 

“Vicki,” he begged. “I….I don’t have anyone else. You and the kids.” He stopped to wipe angrily at the tears running down his face. “You’re all I have!!” He said louder than he needed to. 

She knew he was crying. In their old life she would have given in. Gone and rescued him and brought him home. But for the past few years it had been too little, too late on his end. She couldn’t keep telling herself it was just this season, or project keeping him from them. It was him keeping him from them and she was done. 

“Funny how now that you have nothing else you recognise we are all you have.” She said sharply. 

After he realised she had hung up on him he went to the bathroom and cried. 

Misha angrily pushed through the swinging bathroom door and headed for the bars exit. He felt somewhat better, not better enough to drive but he could walk. Yeah, walk where? He wondered to himself. The changing stop lights reflection danced on the rain kissed pavement and that’s when he realized he was just standing completely still, in a trance thinking about how she had thrown him out. 

“Hey…” A guy on a bike said pulling him back to the present. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Misha assured him holding up his hand as if this was proof of how fine he was. 

“Well, that’s great. Could you move?” The guy asked. And that’s when Misha realized he hadn’t cared if he was okay, he just wanted to get past him and continue his ride down the sidewalk. 

“Uh…yeah, sorry.” Misha said, stepping back awkwardly, right into a puddle of rain.

He fumbled in his pants pocket and pulled out his cell phone. Even if he wasn’t on a call or using it just holding it made him feel less awkward. He turned the direction opposite the bike guy and started walking up the hill. In a few hours these sidewalks would be bustling with busy business men and women but for now they were blissfully yet eerily empty.  
He watched a cat jump on top of a dumpster and begin foraging for food. Surprisingly the memory of he and Vickie going to see CATS did not hurt his feelings like he expected.  
He smiled, watching the cat as it seeked out its midnight meal remembering how he and Vickie had both really hated the production. Even chuckled out loud a little as he remembered Vickie singing ‘Memories’ as high pitched and offkey as she could for weeks afterwords just to annoy him.  
Yes, they had just been starting out then. In a tiny studio apartment with not even pennies to rub together. He shook his head, dragging himself back to reality. All along, this is where they had been heading? After everything they had been through… 

His thoughts were interrupted by his phone buzzing quietly in his hand. Although on the dark street it didn’t seem quiet at all and the hungry cat shot him a death glare, suddenly aware she wasn’t alone. He opened his pull down screen and saw that his Instagram account was receiving like after like. Now he didn’t even know what he posted.  
He opened his account and saw a picture of drunken Misha sitting at the bar he had just left. He knew if he put it on Instagram, he had put it on all of his Social media accounts. He read the caption. 

“Hey @JensenAckles maybe when you finally get your brewery open, I won’t have to drink alone anymore.” 

Oh, well that’s just great. He thought to himself. I tagged Jensen in a post that makes me look pathetic. He didn’t know why he cared what Jen thought really. But behind the scenes Jensen was kind of Mishas driving force on set and for the fandom. He just liked knowing he had Jensens approval.  
He scrolled down to look at some of the comments, and felt his breath hitch when he saw Jensen had already not only seen the picture but commented.  
“Hey Mish, that sounds great…drinks are on me as soon as we get the place going buddy” Well, that wasn’t as harsh as he had expected.  
It was no secret how J2 liked to make fun of Misha at his expense. It was no secret he didn’t really for into their dynamic. The fandom fought hard for his place and he tried not to take that for granted. That’s why he dedicated so much to his fans. He stared at drunk Misha staring into the camera on the Insta post and wondered if anyone else could see how sad he really looked. 'I gave up everything for you.’ He was reminded of Castiels words to Dean. Oh, if his fans only knew. 

He started to trek back up the pavement aware his stomach was rumbling. He hadn’t eaten fast food in years because of Vickie and now he decided that’s just what he would need to help him sober up. He sniffed the air and let the thick smell of grease guide him to his destination. Burgers for breakfast and then he would get a room. He chuckled to think how Dean Winchester had obviously influenced him. He stepped to the counter and ordered everything large. Because fuck Vickie. 

 

Miles away, Jensen couldnt sleep. He told himself it was the Texas heat keeping him up since their air conditioner had gone out. Which it had been, at first. Now he sat in his den sipping on whisky and staring at his phone.  
He had noticed the Instagram post right away. Not only had Misha tagged him but he had turned on story and post notifications for Misha as soon as he had begun following him. He wasn’t obsessed with Misha…he just liked to know when anyone from the show said or did anything stupid on social media. After all the show was his complete livelihood until he could do something with a brewery.  
This post seemed sadder than other posts for Misha though. He looked miserable in that bar alone. Jensen ran a hand through his short brown hair and sighed…maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he’s just drunk, He argued mentally.  
But why then did he feel such a disturbance in the force?? It wasn’t the air conditioner keeping him awake and he knew it.  
He moved over to the leather couch and lay back on one of the throw pillows. Phone poised above him.

“Hey…you looked bummed in your Insta post bro. Is everything okay?” He sent the text out to Misha and checked to make sure his phone was turned up before settling into the couch to rest his eyes.


	2. Family time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I mean, there is more Jensen in this chapter. Sorry for that. Sorry also for him seeming like such a dick I worked through some personal stuff this chapter.

Sunshine spilled into the motel room illuminating the dust dancing through the air. The room stank like stale smoke and piss. The decor had not been updated since the 1970’s and Misha had a sneaking suspicion that the beds had not been changed in that long either.   
Not that he had gotten to sleep in either bed, choosing instead to throw up his entire breakfast and pass out on the less than shiny linoleum in the bathroom.   
He rose from the bathroom floor, immediately cradling his head in his hands in an attempt to contain the headache that spread like wildfire through his skull.   
Misha slowly reached down to turn on the shower and waited while the line sprayed and cut off a few times before running the right way. He fiddled with the knobs for a few minutes before realizing the shower only had the two temperatures, freezing cold or scalding hot. He figured freezing was the safer option, braced himself and hopped in. 

After taking the fastest shower of his life, Misha put back on his jeans and sat down on the bed closest to him. He flipped through the channels, and paused on an old episode of Supernatural.   
It was always weird to him, seeing himself on television. He watched the scene between Dean and Castiel, searching for what the fans saw….that sexual tension everyone was always going on about. He really didn’t know because he didn’t follow the show as much as Jensen would have liked. He was shocked watching from this side of it all. How had he missed Jensen’s obvious eye fuck while they were filming? How had he never noticed how longingly Jensen has Dean stare at Cas’ lips? 

It was not much of a secret on set or, well thanks to social media, anywhere that he and his wife had an open marriage and that Misha went both ways. It was also no secret that Jensen was a good ol boy from Texas, raised on southern hospitality and baptist morals of the bible belt. So if anything Misha found Jensen’s behavior confusing. Then he had an awful thought cross his mind. What if it was another attempt to fuck with him on set? Not that he had ever thought of Jen as a potential lover. At least not until today. 

 

______________________________

 

Jensen navigated Houston’s busy downtown district, trying to block out Daneel’s constant side seat driving. They had been in the car with the kids all day long, except for the two and a half hours Jensen had been alone with the twins while Daneel and Jay Jay got made over for Jay Jays dance recital. The reason they were now downtown. His jaw was clenched tight around all of the things he wanted to say. Sometimes doing the family thing was hard for Jensen, he was away more than he was home so he wasn’t really good at any of their routines. Sometimes he felt like he was just the breadwinner, but he didn’t really belong there. Sometimes he felt like a guest in their home. 

“Dee, would you please let me drive?” He said a little harshly.   
She scoffed and shot him a look. “What is with you today? Fine, drive then. Get us there all by yourself. And don’t ask me for help.” She leaned back in the seat folding her arms defiantly in front of her.   
Jensen shook his head, “You’re fucking spoiled.” He told her.   
She shot a look in the backseat, “Don’t talk to me like that. Don’t start this in front of the kids.”   
“If I don’t find this fucking theatre in the next few minutes I’m driving home.” He told Jay Jay, looking at her through the rearview mirror. “I’ve been driving around in this traffic listening to your mom’s little comments for almost 45 minutes and I can’t take her shit anymore. So if you want to thank someone for missing your recital then thank your mom.” 

After pulling into the driveway, Jensen was feeling a lot better. But he knew Daneel was fuming and it would just be better to go and let her cool off. He watched his famiy enter the house and then backed back down the drive heading down the hill to his boat. 

He grabbed his cell phone and his keys and headed out on the dock, shading his eyes from the sun with his hands checking out the water. It looked pretty choppy since they had been getting plowed by so much rain, He decided not to actually take the boat out. Why catch fish when he could catch a buzz? 

He stepped down into the boathouse and made a beeline to one of the kitchen drawers where he pulled out a bag of pot and a pipe, He loved hiatus. 

 

He sat back and flipped on the radio, loading the pipe and taking long tokes He thought about the day and Jay Jay. He never wanted to lose his shit on his kids. He didn’t know why he couldn’t get his head right lately. That wasn’t entirely true. He was tired of Daneel. He was tired of asking permission when everything really belonged to him anyway. He was tired of pretending he didn’t see the other guys clothes in their laundry. That he didn’t hear the late night phone calls. That he didn’t know they were meeting up with him at Jay Jay’s recital but he was supposed to act like he didn’t know it was him. 

He didn’t even know how to confront her. She had given him a hall pass for when he was filming, so she had assumed it extended both ways. It did not. Especially because Jensen had not used his. He was loyal. 

He shook those thoughts away and smoked some more pot. He checked his phone for the time and remembered Misha’s post. Did he ever text back? No. No He did not. Jensen was feeling pretty good so decided to call instead. He took another hit and listened to the phone ring.


End file.
